We are created for CONNECTION. However, many people have struggles in creating and maintaining a healthy connection with their intimate partners. Often the connection that exists is unhealthy (controlling, volatile, abusive), or there just isn’t a connection at all. Couples often struggle for years before reaching out for help from a pastor or counselor, and by then it is like untangling a big ball of yarn. Couples don’t know where to begin untangling the yarn and often pull and tug on the wrong string and make things worse. The counselor is there to help the couple understand how to address their struggles in a healthy way so they can begin to untangle the yarn.
Often couples bring wounds (baggage) into the relationship from childhood or past relationships. They want connection but are also needing emotional safety. This makes it hard for them to be vulnerable with their partner which interferes with a healthy connection. The counselor might suggest that the couple work individually on these issues so that they can engage in couples counseling from a healthy adult place. The counselor provides a safe environment for the couple to learn and practice how to be vulnerable with their partner.
It is important for people to understand their own needs and be able to express them in a healthy way. Past wounds (baggage) make it difficult to know how to confidently ask for what you need. People often mistake having needs as being needy, and dismiss their own needs or their partners. The counselor can help you understand and be comfortable with expressing your needs and create space for you to learn how to understand and meet your partners needs.
AFFAIRS (BREACHES OF TRUST):
In general, there is no threat outside of a relationship if it is solid within. This means that affairs are unlikely if the couple is connected and addressing issues in a healthy way. It doesn’t mean that there aren’t struggles, just that the couple has the skills to address them and stay connected through the process. If they lose connection and wound each other emotional safety is no longer there and there is a risk of infidelity. Many couples do not have the resources to know how to repair this type of betrayal from such a close relationship. The counselor can help the couple process this pain and gain clarity about the issues or pre-affair condition of the marriage so the couple can heal.
Sometimes the relationship is solid, however, there is still infidelity. This is usually due to the emotional or mental health of the person who chooses to have an affair. It is important that these issues get addressed in individual counseling so that they can feel confident that they can cope in a healthier way in the future if they get triggered in a similar way. Whether the couple decides to stay together or separate, it is important that they learn to forgive themselves and each other. This can be difficult and there can often be resistance. The counselor can guide them through the process in a safe environment so healing can occur.
We believe that many of the problems in marriage could be eliminated or minimized if couples are intentional about creating a solid foundation prior to marriage. We work with couples before marriage to build a solid foundation by addressing several key areas that couples tend to struggle with throughout their marriage. These areas include: money, religious differences, intimacy, in-laws, differences in the way they are raised, children/discipline, division of responsibility, unmet needs, unmet expectations, trust/jealousy.
Let us help you build a solid foundation.
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many time, always with the same person.”Mignon McLaughlin
- Marriage & Relationship Counseling
- Marriages in Crisis
- Marital restoration
- Infidelity Healing & Recovery
- Pornography & Sexual Addiction
- Healthy Communication
- Intimacy Challenges
- Needs Assessment
- Blended Family Issues
- Infertility or loss of child
- Parenting Issues